So folks, we’ve got a pretty interesting mailbag today, and by mailbag, I mean one letter. Keep sending those questions to dthadvice@gmail.com. And not just because it ups my street cred, but also, because Dr. Phil should not be allowed to give out more relationship advice than me. Dan Savage? Yes. Dr. Phil? No.

So here we go.

Alicia,
So I have a beard and I’m debating whether to shave it or not. Do girls
dig the facial hair? I feel that the beard has become a part of me, and
to cut would be like losing a limb. I love my beard, but I love girls
more. Please help.

Grizzly Adams

Grizzly, I’m going to tell you the touching story of my brother, whose beautiful beard was once known far and wide, from the maze-like streets of Morrocco to the penguin infested southern tip of South America. Such an amazing and handsome beard had never before travelled the globe in such a way, and he wore it proudly, and endured great hardships for the sake of his beard. He endured taunts of “Ali Baba” and “Osama’s son” in the deserts of North Africa. But the beard could not be defeated.

When the beard returned to our hometown, it was greeted with great enthusiasm by the ladies. Whilst out at the movies one evening. A complete stranger admired the curly, almost lumberjack beard, and remarked, “I’ve never seen such a magnificent beard.” That really is a quote.

So the moral of the story, all women like beards. Also, if you have a beard, you will live a far more interesting life.

Okay, back to reality. Some people like beards. Some people don’t. Some women really dig guys in leather pants with greasy gray ponytails and gold chains. There is someone out there who digs just about anything.

But here’s the thing, beards can be a huge advantage for those who can grow them. They allow you to have dual personalities. You as a bearded man may attract an entirely different set of women than you as a babyfaced guy.

Many women really love a man with a beard, or even just some significant stubble. We like that gruffness. Others like a smooth face. It’s just preference.

The only reason you should not have a beard is if by beard you mean pubescent mustache fuzz or anything in that family, or if you’re a little lacking in testosterone or hair follicles or whatnot and you can only grow a patchy beard. As some of my male friends would say, you go up strong or you don’t go at all.

So keep your beard or shave it off Grizzly. You can reinvent yourself like every couple of weeks if you like. And you’re sure to meet ladies who like it either way you go.

-Alicia

Electoral college essential to preserving federalism

TO THE EDITOR:
The DTH editorial board went too far in “A political scientist’s dream” when it advocated for an interstate compact that would award electoral votes based on the overall vote of the country. The board should not seek to undermine an existing and very important interstate compact - the U.S. Constitution - in an attempt to change the nature of our republic.
The United States is a federation of states that has elements of both a direct and indirect democracy. One of the indirect parts is the Electoral College that has us elect a president by states and not as individuals.
I was as disappointed as a bare plurality of Americans with the 2000 election so I get the rub that there can be a difference in outcomes between the majority of voters and the majority of electoral votes.
However, we have had a successful system of government for more than 200 years where we are a union of states that elects a leader and we should not rush into changing that through some backdoor scheme.
If the American people are really prepared to change that federal dynamic and how we elect a president then we should have a proper debate about it and use one of fours ways of amending the Constitution - not some loophole.

Joseph M. Starnes
DTH Opinion Editor
Summer 2006

__________

Albright doesn’t deserve blame for administration

TO THE EDITOR:
Mr. Ghoshal’s attack on Albright is indirectly based on a legitimate grievance. The economic sanctions on Iraq following the Gulf War were tragic, and the US administration which Albright served was responsible.
As noted in the article, economic sanctions weren’t realistically going to achieve any explicit good. Hussein was entrenched enough to survive the crushing military defeat dealt by the American-led Coalition, following an abysmal war against Iran during the 1980s. Monetary difficulties, ameliorated by the continued sale of oil, could not cause a fruitful regime change.
However, the true cause of Iraqi suffering, apart from Saddam’s thirst for war and domestic oppression, was the political failure of the Coalition to follow through with their military success. Clausewitz’s connection between war and politics works both ways: the proper goal of defeating Iraqi forces in Kuwait was to politically punish Hussein. Instead, America tacitly allowed the brutal oppression of revolutionary forces in order to prevent civil war in Iraq.
That left Iraq and the US in a lose-lose situation. Iraq was cut off from the benefits of international trade which are fundamental to modern society. The US also had nothing to gain, but there was no politically feasible path for disengagement. To blame Albright for the situation is to naively dismiss geopolitics.
Having served as Secretary of State under such circumstances has surely prepared Albright to provide guidance for graduates about to enter a world that is occasionally unavoidably unpleasant.

Vova Shklovsky
Senior
Mathematical Decision Sciences

__________

New program seeks to engage Jewish students

TO THE EDITOR:
I would like to clarify some points about NC Hillel’s new Campus Entrepreneurs Initiative (not Institute) that were either incorrect or missing from today’s DTH article.
Hillel’s Campus Entrepreneurs’ charge is to connect and develop relationships with uninvolved Jewish students to engage them in meaningful Jewish experiences and facilitate their personal and professional growth, in turn transforming Jewish student life on campus.
It is our hope that these highly creative, innovative, and high-performing ten Campus Entrepreneurs, who were chosen through a tough selection process, embody an entrepreneurial spirit and act boldly in the face of convention and resource limitations to deliver real social value.
The term “Entrepreneur” is used to describe the resourcefulness and networking skills each student leader has in implementing high-visibility, high-impact initiatives that enhance Jewish student life at UNC. The Campus Entrepreneurs’ out-of-the-box thinking and brand-new campus programming is designed to increase visibility of and participation in Jewish life on campus as well as invite students who are not currently
involved in Jewish activities to discover meaningful Jewish experiences that are not necessarily Hillel-related.
With each Campus Entrepreneur reaching 60 Jewish students, we have the power to dramatically influence the future landscape of Jewish campus life. The CEI is not designed to increase students’ participation in Hillel; it is a tool by which we can help students explore and celebrate their Jewish identities as well as to expose the campus to Judaism and Jewish culture.

Valerie Kolko
Director of Statewide Programs
North Carolina Hillel

__________

Police should cite stores selling alcohol to minors

TO THE EDITOR:

I would like to comment on Jessica Schonberg’s article “Bar management aims to curb underage drinking violations.”
In this article, Schonberg correctly emphasizes bars efforts to not sell alcohol to minors because bars put themselves at risk of closure by selling alcohol to underage drinkers. The ABC commission also emphasizes that it has the power to revoke licenses of establishments that sell alcohol to minors.
However, as early as my first year at Carolina, it was common knowledge amongst students that certain stores would sell alcohol to minors without asking for any ID.
In fact, this must have been common knowledge to the police also because I’ve known multiple students who have purchased alcohol without being asked for ID and then have been cited by the police for underage alcohol possession as soon as they walked out of the store and into the parking lot. Particularly Key Food Mart on Rosemary Street (aka “Murder Mart”) frequently has police cars sitting in the parking lot waiting for underage buyers to leave with a case of Busch light in hand.
I would like to know why students are often cited by the police after leaving such stores while no action is taken against the store. Tim Morse of the ABC commission insists that action would normally be taken against a store such as “Murder Mart,” but this is my fourth year at Carolina and store is still open and the police continue to use this store as a way to give out citations to underage drinkers.

Roger A. Horowitz
Senior
Peace, War, and Defense, Spanish

From University Reporter Mac Mollison:

Tonight Student Congress passed unanimously a bill stipulating that all students, with the exception of Carolina Fever members, must be subject to the student body-wide ticket distribution lottery.

After a close reading of the legislation, I confirmed with members of Congress that this meant band members and athletes will no longer be subject to special, limited ticket distribution pools — an unintended consequence of the legislation — if the Department of Athletics decides to abide by the Code in the first place.

(more…)

Legalization of marijuana has catastrophic consequences

TO THE EDITOR:
I am very disappointed in the DTH editorial board for supporting the legalization of marijuana without considering its earth shattering consequences.
Number one, Spongebob Squarepants would become the most highly rated show on TV (not good for anyone).
Number two, most of the lecture halls across campus would smell worse than they already do (and be filled with more mindless conversations than they already are). Number three, an unnamed sports team would forget to show up for games on Saturdays (might be a good thing if we play Clemson again).
Number four, Willie Nelson would be free to make movies and music.
My point is that with war, social security, marriage rights, and education all on the hot seat, why should legalizing marijuana even be considered as a valid political topic? It is the government s responsibility to fix these more serious problems first, way before worrying about the accommodation of potheads.

Matt Ellis
Junior
Chemistry

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“Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell” is a discriminatory practice

TO THE EDITOR:
In response to yesterday’s letter regarding the military’s ban on openly gay and lesbian soldiers, I was appalled by the author’s rationale in supporting the discriminatory practice. Not only was it insensitive, but it seriously failed to capture why opponents are against “Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell.”
According to the reader, sexual minority soldiers are “selfish” because they want to discuss their sexual orientation. Furthermore, because sexual minorities are sometimes fired in the civilian workforce for such discussion, the military’s policy is justified. Consequently, gays should “quit whining” about “Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell.”
He can’t be serious? But sadly, I think he is.
I?d like to point out, however, that discussion about sexual orientation is not limited to what takes place in a soldier’s bedroom, as the reader seems to believe. What about conversations regarding missed loved ones such as boyfriends and girlfriends, or partners? These conversations are pervasive among heterosexual soldiers at war. Therefore, denying sexual minority soldiers from being open about their sexuality prevents them from living honest, fulfilling lives.
Moreover, the partners of sexual minority soldiers killed on the battlefield do not receive the same treatment or sympathy from the Army as the spouses of heterosexual soldiers. And, when sexual minority soldiers are honest about their lives they lose all of their benefits, regardless of how honorable they serve their country. The logic in that just doesn’t hold.
Lastly, it is a slap on the face to capable sexual minority soldiers when the Army reports having trouble recruiting people to fight in Iraq and across the globe. If requirements are going to be loosened to increase numbers, shouldn’t other policies like “Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell” be removed, as well?
Although these points are critical to understanding the “Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell” debate, the reader completely ignores them in his letter.
So if fighting for the reversal of policy as discriminatory and offensive as “Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell” is grounds for whining, then we should all join in crying out against the practice.

Thomas Cluderay
Editor
Lambda Magazine

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If you give up on the team, then give up your tickets

TO THE EDITOR:
In response to Eugene Rossitch III’s comments.
Dear Eugene,
Thanks for giving up on your coach, your school and on your seats. If you receive UNC tickets to the NC State game may I please have them?

Joseph Ligon
Senior
Political Science

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Time would be best spent helping troubled peers

TO THE EDITOR:
The DTH’s recent “Monday Spotlight” look at underage drinking in Chapel Hill was headlined “A Risky Pastime,” yet this title somewhat contradicts the, er, substance of the articles.
After all, the only risks identified by the DTH are structural: the risks of getting caught by the ALE and other authority figures, the risks of having a black mark put onto one’s permanent record, the risks of having to pay fines and other costs, etc.
Seeing these facts and figures all listed together do not highlight a drinking problem at UNC so much as they expose the entire circus to be a monumental waste of time and money for just about everybody involved.
We assume alcohol to be a recognized “pastime” and a part of UNC’s culture, so why is there such effort to selectively punish a portion of the community for participating? There is no denying that alcohol can cause terrible trouble, but nowhere in either of Monday’s articles is there reference to alcohol-related health problems or drunk driving, and the only suggestion that alcohol leads to deviant behavior comes from Adrian Thorn’s ridiculous assertion that “The first person to get out-of-control drunk really shows they’re underage.”
I rather attest that the first person to get out-of-control drunk really shows that he or she is immature, which is a trait independent of age.
Among our university’s community, we should be looking for fewer ways to get peers into trouble and spend our energy instead helping those who are already there.

Ryan Millager
Junior
Dramatic Arts and Music

I was tempted to title this post the same as Alicia’s last ramble on dating, “Not trying is the same as failing.” The Daily Illini announced Friday that they are temporarily suspending their opinion page, a move that means the voice of students suddenly has gone mute.

“Yesterday’s apology is something that we, as the editorial board of The Daily Illini, should have never had to do, but it is a position that we have put ourselves in numerous times throughout the last couple of semesters. For this reason, The Daily Illini Editorial Board has decided to stop publishing editorials until further notice.”

It sounds like they are taking the moral high road — getting things in order before they further misinform readers. Unfortunately the news doesn’t stop.

I don’t think I could put it better than the Illini, “The newspaper editorial is a sacred institution. It is supposed to offer insight on issues, events and problems relevant to the community and serve as a watchdog against institutions of power.”

If you don’t have a desk equipped to meet that charge, changes must be made. Either bring in an accuracy guru to teach the folks you have, or just hire new ones. Neither scenario should include wiping away your ability to tell administrators they are full of it, or to lobby for basketball tickets.

The opinion page has the ability to spark interest, to stir controversy and to mobilize your readership. The Illini should know. Just last year they suspended both their editor and opinion editor for running cartoons depicting the Prophet Mohammad. Then-editor Acton Gorton blasted the company ownership for their actions. “If someone’s head had to roll, it’s going to be mine,” he said. “The Daily Illini is afraid to deal with the controversy … they lack courage.”

Now it’s the editors who are look like cowardly lions. Do they expect that once they bring back the page people suddenly will trust it? Or have they walked the plank of credibility by admitting that they are unable to print a page rooted in fact? Good luck.

Hey look, another question for the ol’ blog.

Hi, I’m a new addition to Chapel Hill this year. I have had a few
girlfriends in the past although only one relationship really lasted. I
am an outgoing guy, I have done many exciting things and I continue to
do so in life. I think I’m pretty cool and romantic, yet I find it
easier to jump out of a plane, than talk to a girl. I don’t know what
it is but I just cannot find the courage. I have joined a few clubs up
here, some of them social. I also need some tips on how or where to
meet someone up here, I know the ratio is really in my favor. I’m
trying already but do you have any tips? I’m searching for that kind of
movie romance where it’s serendipity, just by chance or fate but I think
I can speed things up a little bit.

-Searching in Chapel Hill

Here’s the thing Searching, I don’t believe in serendipity. I mean, I do a little bit because I love romantic comedies and I’ve got two X chromosomes, but I don’t let it run my love life. I only believe in “meant to be” to a very very limited point.

“Meant to be” is a dangerous thing to believe in. If we sit back and resign ourselves to the belief that if something is meant to happen, it will, then we snuff the fire under our asses that gets us to make things happen for ourselves.

The basic point — of course you can speed up your romantic life. Want to know how, you’ve got to talk to girls. You’ve got to get over that fear. I’ll tell you something I told “Board Stiff” last week, don’t be afraid to fail. Of course romance is a huge risk. Talking to someone you’re interested in is terrifying.

So here’s the strategy, first of all, good for you for getting involved in some clubs and organizations, but that won’t do all the work. You’ve got to talk to those foxy ladies you’re interested in. Look for what my aunt likes to call “the greenlight”. And girls, listen up here, because you need to learn to give “the greenlight.”

The greenlight is basically a signal that a girl gives to let you know that if you come and talk to her and perhaps flirt with her, she is not going to shut you down cold, or throw a drink in your face, or pull out a canister of pepper spray.

The greenlight comes in many forms. The easiest to recognize is the wave, followed closely by the smile. The wave consists of an arm gesture that involves moving the hand and forearm side to side to communicate a hello. This is tricky because you may have to check to see if someone is behind you.

 The smile is a sort of facial spasm that is generally regarded as very pleasant by all humans, even infants. Again, you might have to confirm the intended recipient of the smile, but if you’re all alone in a corner, you can pretty much bet it was meant for you.

If she smiles, if she makes eye contact for a moment, looks down or away and smiles, if she waves, if she keeps looking back at you, go over and say hi. Strike up that conversation.

The worst that will probably happen is she’ll act disinterested. If that happens, you are free to walk away and look for other greenlights.

My final advice is this, don’t wait for serendipity to save you. It might, but it might be like that awful John Cusack movie and waiting around for that serendipity to work out will be just too boring and you’ll get distracted and be rummaging in the freezer for ice cream or surfing the internet for porn when that storybook ending finally shows up, and you’ll miss it anyway.

Get out there and talk to girls. We are just as nervous as you. And most of us love to be approached. Even if we’re not completely interested, we’re probably not going to traumatize you. And someone is going to be interested, you just have to give her a chance to be.

-Alicia

CLEMSON, S.C. - Greetings from Tiger country…and we do mean country. For the first installment of Bloggin’ From the Road (or whatever better name we come up with in the future) the DTH brings you the sights and sounds from road trips we make following your Tar Heels around the country. Our first road trip of the year was to Clemson which is really in the middle of nowhere. For example, we passed a BBQ shack on the way to Clemson called “Me-Maws.” Many fans wear bright orange overalls. This is not a joke.

Anyway, myself and senior writer Briana Gorman stayed in the luxurious Days Inn in Greenville, which is a 45 minute drive away. Our plan was to get to Death Valley early and check out the tailgating scene and perhaps talk to some Carolina fans who had made the 4.5-hour trip down I-85. We left our hotel at 8:45 a.m., assuming that we would get to the stadium in plenty of time. After cruising down the highway for half an hour and getting off at the Clemson exit, we ran into a dead stop. And we were still 12 miles from the town. The highway was absolutely jammed with vehicles of all types sporting Clemson flags and little tiger tails hanging from the backs. Never have I felt so self-conscious for not having some kind of orange on my car.

We were still ridiculously early, or so we thought. As the traffic crawled down Highway 93 I was more nervous by the second. I didn’t want to miss out on talking to tailgaters, much less the so-called “most exciting 25 seconds in college football” when the Clemson team rushes down the hill behind the end zone to make their grand entrance. We arrived in town around 11 and I was taken aback at the insane tailgating scene. The entire town was taken over by revelry and every spare patch of grass had a grill or lawn chair on it. I finally understood the meaning of the words “football school.” Briana and I consulted our crude map to our parking lot, but we were a bit turned around as to what direction we had come from. Before we knew it, we were already through Clemson (it’s reeeeeallly small) and had to make a U-turn to sit in more traffic coming into town from the other side. We finally found a space and parked right at noon and sprinted up the hill to the ginormous (yes, I know it’s not a real word) stadium. Briana’s journey was made more difficult by her uncomfortable shoes, but we pressed on. We finally got to our seats just as David Wooldridge was booting his first of many punts on the day. We had missed the pageantry and the tailgate but at least we were there for the not-so-thrilling game.

To add insult to injury we talked to the other UNC beat writers at halftime, who informed us there was a much quicker back way. It would have been nice to know that beforehand, especially since we had dinner with them on Friday. Alas, there is a lesson to be learned for all of you folks out there who want to go to a Clemson football game: leave early and don’t go I-85.

Cheers, and look out for Gregg Found’s missive from Miami in a couple weeks.

-Daniel Malloy

Alright everyone, we’ve got our first question! I’m very excited and I think it’s a good one. So here we go.

Hi,
I’m a divorced male, age 30, 2 kids. I meet a lot of
great women around my age, but to be honest, they kind
of bore me to tears.

I’ve been told I’m charming, handsome, and look
younger than my age (people think 25 - 28 usually).

Do I have a chance with any of the hotties floating
around? And if so, what do you think my best approach
is.

I’m on staff, with a good job.

Board Stiff

I hear you Board. You know, one of my favorite things ever is to browse Raleigh’s Craigslist and look at the personal ads, and from that, eh hem, research, I can assure you that you aren’t alone. With the high rate of divorce, and so many young people getting divorced, daters like you are in luck. Marriage these days has become sort of a catch and release type program, but that means that desirable dates such as yourself are back out there in the dating pool, and that gives you a better chance of giving romance another go.

So you’re bored to tears? What is it exactly that bores you about these women? What could they do that would excite you?

I’m going to sound like a generic advice columnist here, but maybe to meet more interesting women, you’ve got to do more interesting things. Like women who can talk about music? Hit up some good concerts. Maybe you like sports. There are community teams for adults. Maybe there’s an interesting woman at Starbucks reading a book you’ve been wanting to pick up. Start up a conversation.

The bottom line is, of course you have a chance. 80 year old men in nursing homes are getting dates to Bingo! and you’ve got 50 years on them. I’m not saying that the 19 year olds with those lower back tattoos showing fake I.D.’s at Top of the Hill are going to knock you down like you’re in a Tag body spray commercial, but truth be told, you’re 30, and those girls would bore you to tears too.
Dating is just like it was when you were in high school — most people go through a lot of dates to find someone they click with. Don’t lose hope, and the most important thing I can say is keep trying. Don’t be afraid to go on bad dates. Put yourself out there, and sooner or later, you’re going to find someone who is not only interesting, but a “hottie” too.

So thanks for your question Board. That’s the first question guys, so keep writing, and I’ll keep answering. And look for an updated format too. We’re going to make this blog a little Prettier.

– Alicia

A Cavalier Daily (UVa) cartoonist did the right thing by apologizing last Friday. He received a lot of criticism for two cartoons he drew. The first depicted Jesus crucified on a cartesian coordinate (X-Y) plane. The second cartoon, which ran the next day, implied that Mary mother of Jesus had a sexually transmitted disease. The cartoon showed Joseph asking Mary how she got a mysterious rash and she responded, “I swear, it was immaculately transmitted!” I have to agree with The Cavalier Daily ombudsman, Lisa Fleisher, when she says, “I understand and applaud The Cavalier Daily’s desire to leave the doors of free speech as wide open as possible, including items that might offend people. But there needs to be a solid, understandable point or message involved. Offending just for the sake of offending– or even to get people talking –is just juvenile and unprofessional” (Cavalier Daily September 13, 2006). I disagree with Ms. Fleisher, however, when she says she does not think an apology is necessary. Is an apology really too much to ask, and does it really infringe upon one’s rights to free speech and press if they apologize after making a clear mistake? Offensive columns or cartoons are pointless if they do not have some pertinant point to get across. Take the DTH cartoon for September 19 for example, depicting Pope Benedict XVI with his sandals in his mouth. This cartoon might offend some catholics, but it is a relevant commentary on his recent comments about Islam.

While the Shearon Harris nuclear plant was the most prominent topic of discussion, the assembly of local officials touched on a few other items throughout their meeting.

There was talk of the 164-acre Greene Tract land that’s held in common ownership by the towns of Chapel Hill and Carrboro and Orange County. Since much of this land will be used as green space rather than solid waste management, as originally planned, officials discussed beginning a payment to reimburse parts of a Solid Waste Enterprise Fund for the land. While they would like to have the reimbursement paid off in three years, Chapel Hill Mayor Kevin Foy said that he felt five years would be more managable.

The agenda also included a number of written informational updates concerning, among other things, a potential timeline for the construction of the new Orange County Animal Shelter, a status report on the development of the Daniel Boone Village/Collins property, and preliminary goals of the Orange County Master Aging Plan for 2007-2011. These were strictly written updates, and no presentations were made on these items.

For more information, the meeting’s agenda can be found here:
http://www.co.orange.nc.us/OCCLERKS/060921.pdf