Hey look, another question for the ol’ blog.

Hi, I’m a new addition to Chapel Hill this year. I have had a few
girlfriends in the past although only one relationship really lasted. I
am an outgoing guy, I have done many exciting things and I continue to
do so in life. I think I’m pretty cool and romantic, yet I find it
easier to jump out of a plane, than talk to a girl. I don’t know what
it is but I just cannot find the courage. I have joined a few clubs up
here, some of them social. I also need some tips on how or where to
meet someone up here, I know the ratio is really in my favor. I’m
trying already but do you have any tips? I’m searching for that kind of
movie romance where it’s serendipity, just by chance or fate but I think
I can speed things up a little bit.

-Searching in Chapel Hill

Here’s the thing Searching, I don’t believe in serendipity. I mean, I do a little bit because I love romantic comedies and I’ve got two X chromosomes, but I don’t let it run my love life. I only believe in “meant to be” to a very very limited point.

“Meant to be” is a dangerous thing to believe in. If we sit back and resign ourselves to the belief that if something is meant to happen, it will, then we snuff the fire under our asses that gets us to make things happen for ourselves.

The basic point — of course you can speed up your romantic life. Want to know how, you’ve got to talk to girls. You’ve got to get over that fear. I’ll tell you something I told “Board Stiff” last week, don’t be afraid to fail. Of course romance is a huge risk. Talking to someone you’re interested in is terrifying.

So here’s the strategy, first of all, good for you for getting involved in some clubs and organizations, but that won’t do all the work. You’ve got to talk to those foxy ladies you’re interested in. Look for what my aunt likes to call “the greenlight”. And girls, listen up here, because you need to learn to give “the greenlight.”

The greenlight is basically a signal that a girl gives to let you know that if you come and talk to her and perhaps flirt with her, she is not going to shut you down cold, or throw a drink in your face, or pull out a canister of pepper spray.

The greenlight comes in many forms. The easiest to recognize is the wave, followed closely by the smile. The wave consists of an arm gesture that involves moving the hand and forearm side to side to communicate a hello. This is tricky because you may have to check to see if someone is behind you.

 The smile is a sort of facial spasm that is generally regarded as very pleasant by all humans, even infants. Again, you might have to confirm the intended recipient of the smile, but if you’re all alone in a corner, you can pretty much bet it was meant for you.

If she smiles, if she makes eye contact for a moment, looks down or away and smiles, if she waves, if she keeps looking back at you, go over and say hi. Strike up that conversation.

The worst that will probably happen is she’ll act disinterested. If that happens, you are free to walk away and look for other greenlights.

My final advice is this, don’t wait for serendipity to save you. It might, but it might be like that awful John Cusack movie and waiting around for that serendipity to work out will be just too boring and you’ll get distracted and be rummaging in the freezer for ice cream or surfing the internet for porn when that storybook ending finally shows up, and you’ll miss it anyway.

Get out there and talk to girls. We are just as nervous as you. And most of us love to be approached. Even if we’re not completely interested, we’re probably not going to traumatize you. And someone is going to be interested, you just have to give her a chance to be.

-Alicia

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